my daily struggles
Most weekday mornings I just don't know what to do to keep from blowing my top off.
It's silly...I know. My girls are very good girls but we do have a few issues around here.
Every morning I struggle with Annika's strangely sensitive to clothing issues. She only wears very loose dresses. She hates wearing pants, leggings, or -gasp!-tights. She hates socks.
This wasn't an issue until now. It's getting colder and she needs to wear warmer clothes. They do play outside at recess time even if it's cold outside. I can't have her freezing her tushie off because she's stubborn.
So...that comes to my weekday morning routine of late. It goes something like this....
- Trying to wake Annika from her deep sleep. Naturally she doesn't want to get up. Go and try for about 10 minutes to get her up. (of course she refuses to sleep in on the weekends!!!!).
- Have Annika dress herself. I have Annika pick out her clothes for the night before. It's always a dress. Why can't she pick out one of the many lovely long-sleeved shirts and pants that she owns?
- Remind Annika that she needs to wear either leggings, pants or tights under her dress because it's freezing outside.
- Listen to her argue and then start to cry.
- Try rationalizing with her- I mean I do understand about not liking the way clothes fit. I used to hate clothes that constricted my neck & socks. Try reminding her that we'd discussed that when the temperature dipped below a certain point she had to wear something on her legs.
- Rationalizing doesn't work.
- Just make her wear leggings or pants (forget tights- she won't wear them!) and listen to crying through most of breakfast.
- Now it's time for socks. Another crying game. Don't listen and she just try to shoe the girls into the car quickly without blowing my top off.
- Repeat tomorrow morning.
Okay, so it's not like this EVERY morning but close to it. Some mornings are better than others. Last year Annika would actually wear pants and shirts but so far that isn't happening this year. I would LOVE it if she would wear pants and a shirt! Do you know how difficult it is to shop for her? I went to Kohl's yesterday hoping for a dress for her...forget it! I can certainly order them from Hanna Andersson, Gymboree or Land's End but I'm sure you can guess they cost a small fortune. (thank goodness we'll get double use out of them since Ava can wear them too). Also, a HUGE thanks to Oma for sending us dresses....I don't know what I would have done without them!
So...what the heck can I do?
For the record, I do love dresses. I love that she loves to wear them. However, I'm finding it challenging to find dresses that fit her requirements in her size and that don't cost a fortune. She also has complained about being cold. Hmmm....
(oh yeah, she refuses to wear those super pretty bows in her hair. We have so many of them and they are so lovely and yet she will.not.wear.them. Period.)
Fortunately Ava doesn't care what she wears. She wears it all and doesn't complain.
Have you read _The Out-of-Sync Child_? It's about sensory processing disorder. This sensitivity to tight clothes is one of the biggest signs of one type of sensory processing disorder. For me and my son, recognizing his issues as something other than pickiness really helped my patience. Also, a little occupational therapy can really do wonders.
I brought that up at her last doctor's appointment and he more or less said he didn't think that was the issue. (he's a family friend so maybe when I have more time I'll have a longer chat with him about it).
Patience...key word...I'm running out of.
Does Annika like to go outside during recess? If yes, maybe the teacher could make a friendly comment about wearing pants to keep warm?
Yes, I have told her teacher about the problems I'm having with Annika. She does mention to Annika how nice she looks when she's wearing pants. I think it does help some.
I think Annika is just stubborn. (hmmm...where does she get it from???) As soon as she forgets to put a show on for mommy she's fine.
Do you think it is just stubborn? It is a little unusual that she is so uncomfortable with tight things, especially at her age...maybe you could ask her physician just to make certain that everything is ok.
Yes indeed, you were stubborn but not quite like this, Astrid
I would say use straight up bribery. At our house we do marbles that can, later, purchase various prizes. You can earn marbles for anything Queen Mommy says is worthy. You are so creative, you will have no problem figuring out how to apply this. I have a stubborn one too and if it weren't clothing it would be something else. Strong women are in short supply! You just gotta teach her to use her powers for good and not evil. Hang in there momma! You are doing great!
Aw, poor Annika. I have some SID myself (sensory integration dysfunction), as does Tommy, so I totally sympathize with the clothing issues. I used to cry and cry when my mom made me wear things that bothered me. I just couldn't tune out the sensations - itchy tags, anything not 100% cotton, socks that are too small, waistbands that felt different on one part of my torso than another. I've been a much happier person since I've had complete control over my own life as an adult. Haven't worn anything uncomfortable in years.
I wonder if you could figure out just what bothers her about the tights and then find some that don't have that issue? For example, it may just be that they're too tight especially around the toes. Buying a much larger size might help. As for the pants, have you tried a variety of waistbands? I couldn't handle the ones that had stiff fabric over bunchy elastic. Mabye getting some sweat pants that feel like her favorite leggings around the waistband might help.
Oh, and lots of doctors, especially older ones, don't believe in SID, so you might want a second opinion. It's very real. It's hard to pinpoint at the mild end of the spectrum though, especially if it just comes across as pickiness instead of actually impairing function.
It can be quite damaging not to have anyone believe you when you say something like a simple shirt HURTS you. There are so many little things that are experienced differently with SID - for me tickling seems like a painful, viscious attack and sleeping under any sort of fan is impossible. My mom never believed me and it took a lot of therapy to get over it.
Of course you know Annika very well, so maybe you're right and she's just being stubborn. I'm just mentioning my experiences in case there's a connection.
Emily's RIGHT. Bribery is a very wonderful tool.
When Kathryn was in grade school, and Quite Difficult in the mornings (she wouldn't EAT; she was sleepy and dazed until about 10 am---sigh--sometimes the fruit doesn't fall very far from the tree...), we would literally bribe her with something that was Very Important to her.....3 days of compliance in the morning got her a Cabbage Patch Kid (expensive bribe, but she began the "habit" of getting around in the morning). 5 days got her another valueable prize (I tell my dog trainer students to "train with 100-dollar-bills). Eventually, 2 weeks of no hassle mornings got her ears pierced (something I was philosophically OPPOSED to!---but Quite Important to her!).
These successes proved to her that she COULD do it (even if it was an Act), and therefore it was time to shed the babyish behaviors.
If Annika DOES have this disorder regarding things touching her, then this is Her life, and SHE, ultimately, must deal with it. The WORST thing you can offer her as a mother is Sympathy. Yep...That's true....She won't grow up to be strong and brave if she's "poor-babied." So, allow her alternatives (as you have been doing), within your OWN limits, and let her know you will not budge. This includes gloves and socks. She can make her own decisions regarding staying warm once she pays her own health insurance....
And get that child her Very Own alarm clock! Make it HER responsibility to get her liddle fuzzy butt outta bed. YOU have Much more important thangs to do in the morning (like drink another cup of coffee) than BEG her to get up and around.
Signed....The Meanest Mommy in the World (Nope, it's not YOU---I have that title and intend to keep it!---Tho I DON'T think Grace shoulda been put in Time Out for just putting that jug on her baby brother's head....)
Your daughter and mine must be related . . . for my daughter it is socks! she will wear tights? but socks I have had to resort to paying her a quarter if she will put them on... She will wear pants, socks and shoes to school... but the second she gets home normally takes off all her clothes . . . . and the second she is in the car the shoes and socks come off. . . most of the time it is dresses for her as well .. . jeans is a very rare thing for her to wear. .. soft knit pants are doable for her, esspecially if they have a cute design.
maybe I will check out the book mentioned.. .
Love the name of your daughter, mine dd is Mikaila...
just stumbled onto your blog tonight. . .
oh, one thing that worked for us to get her to keep her clothes on last year was pointing out the fact that she was turning purple (she is very fair skinned) ever since then she will cover up with the slightest chill...
Good luck with the socks!
Beth